Tommy Lee Stops By ‘Late Night’

Former Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee stopped by ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien’ on Wednesday to promote his new book ‘Tommyland’. Lee talked about tacking tap dancing lessons as a kid, groupies stealing items from him after sex for mementos, his Chinese sex chair, and more. Read on for a transcript.

Conan: All right, everybody. We are back. Of course you know my next
guest for drumming with motley crue and for his love life and marriages
to heather locklear and pamela anderson. Oh my god. Now he’s telling his
story in the new book, “tommyland.” Please welcome, tommy lee.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Conan: You and I have so much in common when you think about it.

[ Laughter ]

Tommy: We do?

Conan: Giant penises, ladies love us, I’ve got the tats too, you just
can’t see ’em.

[ Laughter ] But what amazed me is we have something in common that
no one would ever guess which is, I took tap dancing lessons as a kid just
’cause I thought, I swear toe I thought you had to know that to be in show
business. And as a little kid growing up in massachusetts, that’s what
I wanted, to be in show business.

Tommy: Oh my.

Conan: You took tap dancing lessons, too.

Tommy: Yes, I did.

Conan: I don’t think of tommy lee taking tap dancing lessons.

Tommy: Yeah, yeah. I actually did it because I wasn’t really kinda the,
the you know, hanging in the locker room spots kind of guy.

Conan: Right.

Tommy: So it involved being with girls. So I was like, “okay, I’ll try
this.”

Conan: That’s great. You did it to get in with the ladies.

Tommy: Absolutely.

Conan: Incredible. That is not why I chose tap dancing.

[ Laughter ] I was like, “it’ll be fun.”

[ Laughter ] Anyway, but anyway, what made you stop doing it?

Tommy: Eventually after tap dancing I started to do some ballet. And
yes, yes?

[ Random screams from audience ] And, so we do this for our recital.
And a picture runs in the local paper the day after. And the next day at
school it was absolute hell for me. It was like, “dud, what is this?” And
all my peers at school are like, “are you gay?”

Conan: Right, right.

[ Laughter ]

Tommy: So I quite the next day.

Conan: Wow. That’s’ too bad it was peer pressure because think of the
ballet dancer you could have been.

[ Laughter ] Too bad that that happened now. Let’s talk about being
— a lot of people fantasize about being on tour with a huge heavy-metal
band. You’ve actually gone through this and you had the experience of women
stealing your clothes. Tell me what that’s all about.

Tommy: Yeah, we — it happened a lot, actually. You’d be, you know,
sitting there and you’re hanging out with a girl and as she’s walking out
you see the, you know, the tail of you leather coat sticking out the back.

Conan: She’d steal your leather coat just as like a memento? [rockdirt.com]

Tommy: Yeah, underwear, everything. All kinds of stuff was stolen. It
was crazy.

Conan: How did they steal your underwear if — oh.

[ Laughter ] So you guys were just hanging out chatting. So what do
you do? Do you stop them? Was it tagged like at the gap? Would an alarm
go off? What would you do when you caught a woman stealing your clothes?

Tommy: I would just grab it. Just grab it.

Conan: Right, say, “dude, that is not cool.”

Tommy: That is not cool, out.

Conan: Out.

Tommy: Out.

Conan: Out, I like that. Get out!

[ Laughter ]

Hank Azaria: That stuff happens at the simpson’s by the way.

Conan: Does it? [rockdirt.com]

Tommy: Oh yeah, I can imagine.

Tommy: Girls walkin’, girls walkin’ out with our clothes on.

Conan: Yeah, pretty wild in that record room, it’s pretty insane. Girls
grabbing acoustical tile.

[ Laughter ] Those were pretty hot times, hank. Now let’s talk about
your house.

Tommy: Okay.

Conan: Okay, you have a house you have customized in some very interesting
ways.

Tommy: Yes.

Conan: You’ve turned it into what you call an adult playground —

Tommy: Absolutely.

Conan: — With certain toys. Go.

[ Laughter ] Talk tommy lee, talk.

Tommy: Well, there’s all kinds of fun stuff. Movie theater, there’s
a couple of swings.

Conan: Swings. Let’s talk about the swings. [rockdirt.com]

[ Laughter ] You have swings in your house.

Tommy: Yeah, there’s a big giant one that’s over the piano and then
there’s one in the bedroom that’s called a chinese basket.

[ Audience ohs ]

Conan: I’ve heard of the chinese basket.

Tommy: And it doesn’t hold food.

Conan: How does it work? Yeah, it doesn’t hold food.

Tommy: Yeah, exactly.

Conan: It’s for holding produce incase I get hungry.

Tommy: I tell my kids it’s a plant hanger.

Conan: Yeah, yeah that’s good. Good way to be able to talk to — it’s
important to know how to talk to your child about the hanging sex chair
in the bedroom.

[ Laughter ] So, the chinese hanging sex chair, I don’t want to get
crass here. But how does something like that even work and where do I get
one?

[ Laughter ]

Tommy: Well, the first question is how does it work?

Conan: We’ll talk after the show about how to get one hung.

Tommy: Okay, okay. [rockdirt.com]

[ Laughter ] It’s on this kind of three point system where the legs
are strapped in here. That goes to some chains onto the ceiling. It kind
of goes back into a y and then another chain —

Conan: I’m just picturing you having your own “this old house” program.

[ Laughter ] With like, “I’m tommy lee and we’re here in this victorian
mansion and first thing we’re going to do is we’re going to put a 9×4 in
here. It’s got to be heavy enough to hang the chinese sex chair.” How’s
that work coming along? And it’s a good thing to have around the house.

Tommy: It’s awesome and I’ve got it strategically placed where, this
sort of james bond kind of thing where you press a button and this mirror
closes over the bathtub and then there is another mirror so you can get
a nice side view.

Conan: That’s okay.

[ Laughter ]

Tommy: You got to have side view, come on.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Conan: If I had a side view I would never stop laughing.

[ Laughter ] It would be like, “look at that! Oh my god.” It’s incredible.
You have mirror that closes over the bathtub. I would be killed. I would
be in there with like my rubber duck and I’d hit the button and my head
would be lopped off.

[ Laughter ] My god. Incredible.

Tommy: My house if for sale actually. You might be interested.

Conan: Yeah, it sounds perfect for me except I would just be in the
chair alone going, “weeee.”

[ Laughter ] You’d come by like, “dude, not the point.”

[ Laughter ] All right, I wish we had more time. You got to come back
’cause we have so much to talk about. [rockdirt.com]

Tommy: I’d love to come back.

Conan: And you’re a terrific guest. “Tommyland”, your story, which is
again, very similar to my own.

[ Laughter ] “Tommyland.”

Tommy: “New york times” best seller, by the way. I am now officially
a “new york times” best selling author.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Conan: Congratulations.

Tommy: Thank you.

Conan: Every man has a story they say. Tommy lee, thank you so much
for being here.

Tommy: Thank you.