Ministry’s Jourgensen Pens Impeachment Themed Christmas Poem

Ministry mainman Al ‘Alien’ Jourgensen has penned a special Christmas poem entitled ‘T’was The Night Before Impeachment’, which reads as follows:

T’was 2007 and all through the year

Not a creature was buying this climate of fear

The stockings were hung in a foreclosure scare

In hopes that the Banks would forget we were there!

The soldiers were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of extended tours messed with their heads

And Dick and Lynn Cheney with shotguns in lap

Had just pardoned Scooter for shutting his yap

When down at the White House there arose such a clatter

I sprang out the door to see what was the matter!

Away to the protest I flew like a flash

I marched for a while and got tazed in the clash

Then soon I was arrested – for what I don’t know

But the ACLU said that “This just won’t go!”

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a miniature Cheney and eight dead reindeer

With his pacemaker pumping, so lively and quick

I knew in a moment it must be St. Dick!

Faster than subpoenas, his minions they came

He waterboarded and tortured and called them by name:

“Now Halliburton! Now Exxon! Now Conoco! Now Shell!

On Blackwater! On Bechtel! – Let’s all go to Hell!”

To the top of the West Wing, to the top of The Wall

“Now stash away! Stash away! Stash way All!”

As voters are wondering why their vote doesn’t fly

Here comes Karl Rove and he’ll tell you why

So up to the White House the CEOs flew

With a sleighful of cash and Dick Cheney too!

And then, in a twinkling I heard on the roof

Was the hemming and hawing of the ultimate Goof (heh heh heh heh)

I raised just one finger and jumped all around

Coz there on the roof Ol “Dubya” came round

He was dressed all in fur that Cheney had killed

He looked rather dapper on the taxpayers’ bill

A bundle of cash he had flung on his back

Looked happy as Cheney right before an attack

His eyes — how they twinkled, but his manners were weary

Coz Alberto Gonzales has so much to bury!

His droll little mouth was drawn up in a sneer

Like all of those press conferences he holds so dear

The stump of a crack pipe he held in his teeth

He said: “Laura, I’m sorry! I’ve relapsed — I’m weak!”

And his friend had a Wide Stance and a little round belly

That shook when he laughed in a toilet so smelly

Dim-witted and dumb a right jolly old elf

And I laughed when I saw him, giving way my own stealth

A wink of his eye and a snap of his finger

Soon gave me to know I shouldn’t loiter or linger

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work

Put the cash in his stockings, then turned with a jerk

And laying his finger aside of his nose

Thumbs up! And a nod for the coke that he chose

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle

“And away to Iran like a nuclear missile!’

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:

“Happy Christmas to no one — Impeachment’s not right!”

Ankkarock 2006

CKY, Ministry, Opeth, Turbonegro, Rasmus, and Dropkick Murphy’s performed at Ankkarock 2006 on August 6th at Korso in Vantaa, Finland. Watch highlights from YouTube.

Ministry’s Jourgensen: America Needs Different Baggage

Ministry founder Al Jourgensen sounded off politically in a Q&A with Jeff Inman of Las Vegas City Life. “The whole left is more energized because we all can see what is happening,” Jourgensen said. “This is an intense time in social history. We’re at the beginning of, or potentially in the middle of, a change over of the whole economical and energy infrastructure, moving from fossil fuels to more renewable energy sources, and that’s going to have a serious impact not only ecologically, but economically and socially as well.” As for his thoughts on George Bush’s competition, John Karry: “Here’s my slant: Kerry is no savior. The machine that is behind him is different than what is currently in Washington, and who can say that once he gets there he can’t be bought by the same special interests and industries that have run the town for years. We’ll have to see. But every candidate comes with baggage. My point is that we need to have at least some different baggage right now.” The full story at lasvegascitylife.com has since been removed.

Ministry ‘No W’ Video

Ministry are out with the video to their new anti-Bush single 'No W'. Watch it online below.


Ministry Frontman Speaks Out On Celeb Drug Experience

Stuff magazine did a Q&A with Ministry frontman Al Jourgensen and asked him what his most memorable drug experience was. "Tripping with Timothy Leary and shooting heroin with William Burroughs," he said. "Burroughs doesn't live on this planet. Basically, we talked about eradicating the raccoons from his petunia garden. We finally decided on dosing them with methadone. That slowed them down enough for Bill to take out his .38 and scare them away."

Ministry Frontman Isn’t A Bush Guy

Ministry frontman Al Jourgensen blasted pResident Bush in an interview with KNAC.com. He explained, "That guy is the worst, man. You know, they did an I.Q. test of Presidents since 1950, and I think it started with Eisenhower. Anyway, Bush ranked lower than any of them. He had a score of 91, which is just right above retarded. That's not just sad, it's insane." Jourgensen added, "I will do everything in my power to raise the awareness level to get him out of office. Individually, we need him to step down. He is disgusting and doubtlessly the worst President we've ever had in the fu**ing history of the United States." Check out the entire interview here.

Ministry’s Al Jourgensen Says He Won’t Be Next Layne

Jeff Kerby of KNAC spoke with Ministry's Paul Barker, who was quizzed about the fear that frontman Al Jourgensen may become the next Layne Staley because of his drug use. Barker said, "Well, that's funny because it's not going to happen. I am happy to say that. You know, Al and I have been doing press lately, and that's what someone said yesterday. They brought up the same point -- he went off on a tirade on it, 'Now that's not going to happen' and blah, blah, blah. I mean, come on -- his constitution, he's a bull. Whatever, I've been with Al a long time." Read more.
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