Courtney Love Reading Kurt Cobain’s Suicide Note

Well for historical purposes and what are quite a few parallels between frontman Kurt Cobain and Alice In Chains Layne Staley, I’ve dug up the note that Kurt’s wife at his death, , read to those at the vigil for the Nirvana singer… which I happened to attend in 1994. I’m sure many of us are feeling the same emotions today as that day in April of ’94. RIP Layne.

Courney Love read the note, and recorded it on a tape. That tape was played to people attending the vigil in Seattle, WA on Sunday April 10th 1994.

I don’t know what to say. I feel the same way you
guys do. If you guys don’t think … that I used to sit in
this room, when he played the guitar and sang, and feel so
honored to be near him, you’re crazy… Anyway, he
left a note, it’s more like a letter to the fu**ing
editor. I don’t know what happened. I mean it was
gonna happen, but it could’ve happened when he was 40.
He always said he was gonna outlive everybody and be
a hundred and twenty. I’m not gonna read you all the
note ’cause it’s none of the rest of your fu**ing
business. But some of it is to you. I don’t really
think it takes away his dignity to read this considering
that it’s addressed to … most of you. He’s such an
asshole. I want you all to say ‘asshole’ really loud.

{ crowd saying “asshole” }

“This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over
the years since my first introduction to the, shall
we say, ethics involved with independence and embracement
of your community, has proven to be very true.
I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to, as well
as creating music, along with really writing something,
for too many years now.
I feel guilty beyond words about these things —
for example, when we’re backstage and the lights go
out and the roar of the crowd begins, it doesn’t
affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury,
who seemed to love and relish the love and adoration
of the crowd.”

Well, Kurt, so fu**ing what — then don’t be a rock
star you asshole.

” Which is something I totally admire and envy. The
fact, I can’t fool you, any one of you, it simply
isn’t fair to you or to me. The worst crime I could
think of would be to put people off by faking it,
pretending as if I’m having 100% fun “

No Kurt, the worst crime I can think of is for you
to just continue being a rock star when you fu**ing
hate it, just fu**ing stop.

” Sometimes I feel as I should have a punch-in
time-clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried
everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do,
God believe me, I do. But it’s not enough. I appreciate
the fact that I and we have affected and entertained
a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists
who only appreciate things when they’re alone. I’m too
sensitive. Oh, I need to be slightly numb in order to regain
the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours
I’ve had a much better appreciation of all the people
I’ve known personally, and of fans of our music. But I still
can’t get out the frustration, the guilt and the empathy I
have for everybody. There’s good in all of us and I simply
love people too much. ”

So why didn’t you just fu**ing stay?

” So much that it makes me feel too fu**ing sad.
Sad little sensitive unappreciative Pieces, Jesus, Man … ”

Oh shut up, bastard.
Why didn’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know. Then he goes on
to say personal things to me that are none of your damn
business; personal things to Frances that are none of
your damn business.

” I had a good marriage, and for that I’m grateful. But
since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful toward all
humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for
people to get along and have empathy. “


” Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess
Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach
for your letters and concern during the last years. I’m
too much of an erratic, moody person and I don’t have the
passion anymore. So remember … “

And don’t remember this, cause this is a fu**ing lie!

” It’s better to burn out than to fade away “

God! You asshole.

” Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain. “

And then there are some more personal things that is none of your
damn business. And just remember: this is all bullsh**…
But I want you to know one thing: that 80’s tough luck bullsh**,
It doesn’t work. It’s not real. It doesn’t work.
I should have let him – we all should have let him – have his numbness.
We should have let him have the thing that made him feel better, that made
his stomach feel better. We should have let him have it, instead of trying
to strip away his skin.

You go home and you tell your parents, “Don’t you ever try
that tough love bullsh** on me, ‘cuz it doesn’t fu**ing work”.
That’s what I think.

And I’m laying in our bed, and I’m really sorry. And I feel
the same way you do. I’m really sorry you guys. I don’t know
what I could have done. I wish I’d been here. I wish I hadn’t
listened to other people, but I did.

Every night I’ve been sleeping with his mother, and I wake
up in the morning and think it’s him because their bodies are sort
of the same.

And I have to go know.
Just tell him he’s a fu**er, okay? Just say “fu**er”. “You’re a fu**er”.
And that you love him.

– Courtney Love.

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