Courtney Love Appears On ‘The Tonight Show’

Courtney Love was on ‘The Tonight Show With Jay Leno’ on Thursday night to discuss her new album ‘America’s Sweetheart’, her plans to run for California Attorney General, her decision to register as a Republican, how she managed to lose a paternity suit, her latest drug troubles, how her daughter Francis Bean Cobain is a fascist, and more. Later, she performed her latest single ‘Hold On To Me’. Read on for a transcript.

Jay: My first guest probably one of the most famous women in rock
‘n’ roll, a grammy and golden globe nominee. She’s got a new cd out right
here, called “america’s sweetheart.” We’re gonna talk to her, and then
she’ll perform a little bit later. Please welcome courtney love.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Jay: You look lovely. Oh, I see. You’re on your best behavior tonight.

[ Laughter ] That’s very good. That’s very ladylike. I’m very proud.
Look at you. You’re doing terrific.

Courtney: Is your desk cleaned off?

Jay: Yeah. How are you, okay?

Courtney: I’m here to make a political announcement.

Jay: You’re going to make an announcement?

Courtney: Yeah, this is where people come to make their political announcements,
right?

Jay: They have in the past. Okay, go ahead. What do you want to say?

Courtney: I’d like to run for attorney general of the great state of
california.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Jay: Wow, okay. All right, you’re not the first person in show business
to do this, you know. [rockdirt.com]

Courtney: No.

Jay: Now, what would you run? Are you a democrat? Are you a republican?

Courtney: I just turned into a a republican.

Jay: Really?

[ Man in audience boos ] Just, like, a few minutes ago?

Courtney: No, after I was arrested — I don’t know if anyone knows that.

Jay: I heard something.

Courtney: And the next day after the third one, I decided to register
as a republican. I thought it might help.

[ Laughter ]

Jay: Oh, I see. Because they’re in government.

Courtney: Well, also, there’s a book called “getting unscrewed and staying
that way.” I’m not shilling a book. It’s like 20 years old. It’s a consumer
book for when you have little, you know, consumer problems like your daughter’s
trust fund disappears or something. Anyway, you write your attorney general,
and then over certain points, you write your governor. And I know my governor,
and I wrote him, and he ignored me. So I’ve decided to run for attorney
general.

Jay: Well, I think you would be a fine candidate. Didn’t you win some
political poll recently? That’s what I see.

Courtney: It was — well, it was before the trouble. So I might not
win it now. But I’m belfast now. I used to be dublin. Did you even get
that? In belfast, there’s the trouble — okay, forget it.

Jay: No, I got you.

[ Light laughter ]

Courtney: Jay, are you going to let me do the head writer gig now that
I’m out of money, and maybe just do the edgy stuff?

Jay: You can do whatever you want. See, that’s when you’re a star, you
can do that. But you know that already. Sometimes it gets you in trouble,
right?

Courtney: Yeah, yeah. [rockdirt.com]

Jay: Well, tell me about this poll that you won.

Courtney: Well, it was in “jane” magazine. And I know jane, and I thought
she was lying. And she said, “I’m not. It was 30,000 people,” which I still
don’t believe her. This is probably a bogus story. But it was me and you
were on it. You were five.

[ Light laughter ]

Jay: And where were you?

Courtney: One.

Jay: Oh, that was a bogus story.

Courtney: And rosie, too. And howard stern was sixth. Howard stern gave
me a lot of guff for coming on here, and I really wanted to come on here.

Jay: Well, I’m glad you did come here.

Courtney: See, I like you — I like you both, and I like you very much.
And I love your wife. Do you guys know about jay’s wife?

Jay: Yeah, my wife is great.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Courtney: His wife is one of the mammoth — one of the preeminent feminists
in the world.

Jay: Yeah, well, that’s true.

Courtney: She’s done more for women. He doesn’t want to talk about it,
but it’s massive.

Jay: Well, no. I don’t want to —

Courtney: She’s more for afghani women, women all over the place. But
my favorite thing that mavis does — this isn’t scripted. Okay, people
don’t like to talk about this very much. But there’s a thing called the
fortune foundation, and you give money, and plastic surgeons go into jails
— they call it for battered women, but really it’s for ugly women —

[ Laughter ] And then they make them pretty.

Jay: There’s a tv show about that.

Courtney: And they stop committing crimes.

Jay: I mean, so if you’re attractive, you don’t commit crimes?

Courtney: Yes. I know from —

Jay: But you’re really attractive.

Courtney: Well, yeah.

[ Light laughter ] And I was born that way, too.

Jay: Now, you get sued all the time, don’t you? What’s, like, the strangest
thing you’ve been sued on? Is there anything, like really — ? [rockdirt.com]

Courtney: You know what? This is not a preinterview question. Oh, my
goodness.

Jay: No, it isn’T. This is not a preinterview question.

Courtney: Okay. This is mind-blowing.

Jay: Go ahead.

Courtney: Okay, I got a paternity suit.

[ Laughter ]

Jay: You got someone pregnant?

Courtney: I was gonna get a paternity suit. Okay? And I got a sexual
harassment suit one time, from a girl who said that — the words were “lollygagging”
and “panties” and “reading scripts in bed,” whatever. But $10,000 she won.
Okay, I had, like, 83 nonsense threats last year.

Jay: Right, okay.

Courtney: But this one was the paternity suit, and I don’t have a winkie.

[ Laughter ] I don’T. So here was the case. The case was she said that
I had told her that a basketball player in a los angeles basketball team
was attractive. And so she slept with him, and it turned out not to be
his child, anyways. But he was the runt of the team and the lowest paid,
so she came after me and said I was such a great influence on her that
she got pregnant. And now I had to pay for the baby.

Jay: And now she’s suing you?

[ Laughter ] This is why it’s called america.

Courtney: Anybody else would have said “go to — ” I’m not going to
cuss on your show.

Jay: No, it’s okay.

Courtney: “Go to h-e-double hockey sticks.” That’s what my daughter
makes me say. Her cursing parameters are worse than the fcc. But — so
my lawyer said, “you know what? With you, I never know. Just pay it.”

Jay: Really? Wow, that’s a real good attorney.

[ Laughter ]

Courtney: No, “with you, I never know.”

Jay: The attorney is supposed to believe you’re innocent. That’s why
he’s your attorney. He’s all, “I don’t know. Just pay it.”

Courtney: I don’t know her. And it was runt of the team.

Jay: Okay, all right. Now, you’re in the tabloids a a lot. Does this
— they taunt you, don’t they? They follow you around. Is that a problem
for you?

Courtney: Well, lately they crossed the line, and it’s been worse than
it’s ever been. But, you know the really weird thing? With the triple chins
and the — ’cause I keep sending my pee tests.

Jay: Your urine trusts.

Courtney: I’m sorry, my drug tests.

Jay: Okay, drug tests. You send them to who?

Courtney: I have it for you.

Jay: No, I don’t need one. I’m fine. I’ll take your word for it.

Courtney: Well, they cover about four weeks each, and then I just got
my hair done. Which is — it’s like a a polygraph. It’s not admissible,
but it will show. So, I’m no angel, but I’m no devil. I mean, so they start
using a a new word, which is “crazy.” Which I always liked crazy.

Jay: Yeah, okay. All right.

Courtney: But I’ve gotten asked on more dates by more guys, and hot
ones.

Jay: Hot guys have asked you out more now?

[ Talking over each other ] Now, why do you think that is?

Courtney: I don’t know.

Jay: Maybe because you’re in trouble. See, guys like to rescue beautiful
women.

Courtney: But triple chins, though. [rockdirt.com]

Jay: Who’s got a triple chin?

Courtney: In the tabloids. Okay, you guys have seen those — those are
some ugly pictures. Those are — come on.

[ Laughter ]

Jay: No, they’re not. People know. Well, if you have to go like this,
it’s going to be an ugly picture.

Courtney: When you promise — you know, when you go to a a public event,
you promise that you’re not going to open your mouth or something, and
it’s that one time you do.

Jay: That’s the one they get. But I kind of like that picture.

Courtney: And then —

[ Light laughter ]

Jay: I’ll tell you what. We’ll take a break. We’ll try to figure out
what this is all about and be right back with courtney love.

[ Cheers and applause ] Oprah: All new. It’s called living on the down
low. Men with wives and girlfriends secretly having sex with other men.
Do you then not consider yourself gay?

[ Cheers and applause ]

Jay: We just had a a cigarette.

Courtney: No, we didn’T. We didn’t do anything of the sort. We didn’t
have a table dance or a cigarette. Nor did we cuss.

Jay: Let me ask you something. You were in court today. How did it go?

Courtney: Good. I have a good judge. He laughed at my jokes.

Jay: You had a good judge. Okay.

Courtney: Judge elden.

Jay: What happened? Now, the cops came to your house.

Courtney: If I get arrested one more time, my spiel is going to be too
long.

Jay: Let me ask you something. Are you a smart ass when the cops come
to your house, or do you just kind of go, “yes, officer. No, officer,”
or do you kind of dig a hole for yourself?

Courtney: You know, I was reading this tony robbins book — I don’t
care if you think it’s uncool — he’s my man right now. Someone said it’s
the same picture of you. It’s just a different year. I don’t know. Here’s
what happens under the preludes of the second era. Detective joe T. Rock
shirt thought he was kind of cool, and he had been interested in the entire
embezzlement of my daughter’s trust fund.

Jay: Go ahead.

Courtney: He comes to my door with a a social worker. All right? My
house — my daughter is a a fascist. My house is like — I put something,
like, sexy up, and she covers it with a picture of a cake. There’s no boudoir.

Jay: So, she’s real conservative, your daughter?

Courtney: Oh, my god. You know the michael J. Fox — the cigarettes
go in the ashtray. The cussing is, like, you know, “heck.” She’s a fascist.

Jay: All right.

Courtney: Where are you, kid? You’re a fascist. All right, so they come
to the door, and that thing in “law & order” where you don’t let them
in without a a warrant — remember that. All right, so —

Jay: So you let them in.

Courtney: I did. And I was furious. How dare a social worker come to
my home? I just said a few things.

Jay: What did you say?

Courtney: Well, I said, “you guys got to leave soon. My pimp is coming
home.”

[ Light laughter ] I said — I just was reading this today. I couldn’t
believe I said some of this stuff. I said, “someone’s holding my place
in the methadone line.” I said — you know, I opened up my nightstand drawer
— you know, “sex and the city,” cynthia nixon’s character has a a marital
aid.

Jay: A marital aid. Yeah, I know what that is. [rockdirt.com]

Courtney: She has a marital aid, and I said, “look, I don’t even have
one, a, you know, marital aid.” But there was one — ambien, this is a
sleeping medication. And then I threw it at him. I said to the social worker,
“this may make you more literate.” And then they said, “are you addicted
to any drugs?” And I said, “well, I’ve been on a peyote drug for about
two years now.” And then in the kitchen, he started to taste dollar bills
from the market. Okay, come on. And this is dr. Phil’s house.

Jay: Dr. Phil? You went to visit dr. Phil?

Courtney: Well, it’s his lease, and he decorated it, and the kitchen
has little carrots and garlic. I mean, it’s grandma’s kitchen. And I said,
“the crack pipes are down near where the steak knives are.” And you know
what else? Then I said — kind of bad one — I said, “you cops must get
really good drugs at the department. If you got some pot, let’s smoke a
doobie.”

Jay: Now, courtney, let me ask you something.

Courtney: Wait, it gets worse. You know, because the abuse charges were
all, like, bogus.

Jay: In retrospect, was this wise to say to the policeman?

Courtney: No, and I have to take responsibility for something, and I
didn’t do anything criminal, so smart ass —

Jay: And you couldn’t be more sorry.

[ Laughter ]

Courtney: Well, when I said the wire hangers are all worn out — and
when frannie gets home, you’ll notice two black eyes. She fell. I mean,
you know —

Jay: So this is your smart ass stuff.

Courtney: The worst one, though, they said, “where is frances?” You
know what I said? “In the trunk.” I mean, it’s her world. We all just live
— she is the most spoiled, beloved child there is.

Jay: But you understand why the cops might misinterpret this?

Courtney: No, these were already after me since july, and this is in
october.

Jay: All right, all right.

Courtney: And so now, everything, all the allegations were dropped.
Thank god there was nothing physical. I read about two other women who
got physical on one —

Jay: You’re gonna sing for us a little bit later. Tell us about the
band, an all-girl band. Right?

Courtney: It is. After the solo thing — I hate it. I really do. We’re
called the chelsea. This way you can hate me and love the band. It’s a
fun sport to me. It’s totally cool. I mean, I came into this business knowing
that I wanted — can I say the b-word?

Jay: Sure.

Courtney: I wanted to be the biggest bitch in rock. There was another
girl vying for it.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Jay: All right, courtney, we gotta go. Courtney, we gotta go. I got
to cut off the biggest bitch in rock. I’m sorry. We’re going to come back,
and the group is sing right after this.

Courtney: Can we do the russell crowe part about the —

Jay: No, we’ll do that next time you come back. We’ll talk about you
and russell crowe.

Courtney: No, no, we’re not seeing me. He inspired this song.

Jay: We’ll do that next time. We have to bring tina out now. You’re
going to sing for us a a little bit later.

Courtney: Tina’s great. [rockdirt.com]

Jay: The biggest bitch in rock, courtney love, everyone.